Well, on Monday The Doctor's office Called to check on me as they knew that since we got rear ended, I've really been struggling with my Neck Pain.  My Stimulator also quit working during this period of time, so basically...I was back to Square one, after everything we had just been through to try and at least get the RSD under control.  My St. Jude's Representative that does all my programing, is AMAZING.  There are not enough ways for me to express how amazing he really truly is.  If every St. Jude's Rep is like him and the others that I have interacted with, then they alone are enough reason to do this.  They will drive hours to meet you so that your programing is benefiting you the most.  They spend countless hours thinking about what stimulator is right for you, what will best help your pain...ect.  They are there with you through the discussion about the stimulator, they never leave your side.  They are a WONDERFUL group of people.  Well, I had met with Peter immediately after I realized that my stimulator was off, and I couldn't turn it back on.  He was able to determine that the two leads that I used the most to get the stimulation down my entire arm, so it would help my hand, arm, shoulder, and we even hoped my neck.  Well....unfortunately, those 'connectors' on my leads, couldn't push the current from the stimulator through the built up scare tissue.  So...for now, this is bad news...we had to reprogram my stimulator with the other options, which unfortunately don't work as well.  They work about half as good as the two that stopped working did.  So, even after two programming sessions, we realized that we would have to accept the way it is for now.  He did tell me that it may change in the future, and all we can do, is just keep testing the resistance when we reprogram it the next time.  Hopefully it will eventually be able to push the current back through.   In the meantime, my doctor and I were just trying to find different ways to manage the pain.  The burning is back in my arm.  There are many times now that I can't set my arm down, as it feels like it did all those years ago.  The weird thing, is the burning is in a specific location, and does not move out of that area.  It's on the under side of my right fore arm.  The spot that would normally either touch when resting your arm on something.  My pinky finger is extremely sensitive again, and there are times when I can't open doors, drinks, ect around my own house again.  So, after all the above has been updated in my file, the head doc of the Office wanted to see me.   I'm honestly not quite sure if at first he believed me that it was getting this bad.

     He came over to me to do the physical exam, and was really pushing on the muscles.  He seemed quite surprised to see my muscle spasm'ing from my neck down my back.  He also noticed that My muscles were bulging in spots, and so he thinks that some injections that he does will help those muscles calm down.   He also really wants to try the Botox injections again, and now that my insurance is changing, maybe we can get it approved.  I told him I was willing to try anything as long as it will help.  There are times that I can't turn my head enough to even try to stretch it.  It's really hard to force yourself to stretch, and move something that already hurts so bad to move it.  But.....the most important lesson I learned from my Physical Therapist, was to NEVER STOP MOVING.  The day to reduce your movement, or your attempted movement, is the day you begin acquiring another problem....muscle atrophy....When you quit using your muscles, they deteriorate, which will also reduce the amount of movement you have, and will also intensify your pain.  It is very hard to continue to move something that already hurts, and only hurts more when you use it, or when something touches it.  But, the end result is worth it.  Now, chances are, you will never have a physical career with a diagnosis of RSD, but I still work every day.  I work in a call center, and I do have to use my hand every day, and it does hurt...I just manage how much I use it, and I've learned how to do everything with my left hand. 
      My first injection will be on March 26th at 2:15 PST.  So, hopefully I will know then just how they will help, if it helps at all, and how many I would have to continue to do.  He said they were comparable to the Nerve Blocks I had, but these are for the muscles, and not the nerves.  That's why they can be done in the Procedure Room, and we don't have to go to the hospital.  When I got my temporary nerve block, that was also done there in the office.  And that was injected into me. 

Alright...I'm going to go and have lunch with the Love of My life, and probably the only person in the world willing to stand by me   

So, Normally I would just continue my story from where I had previously left off...however, tonight, I found an article that TOTALLY describes EVERYTHING I have been going through when it comes to 'not sleeping'!!!  I seriously also thought I was going crazy because sometimes I really can't remember if I took my last dose of medication, what my girlfriend wore yesterday, what I did for lunch, ect....and its all CONNECTED!!!!!!!!!!!  Now, I'm not gonna lie, in some aspects that's absolutely amazing, because there is an explainable reason!!  However, it also sucks because we are already trying to solve this issue...and its obviously not working. 
The crazy thing, is just like the article says, I'm in the middle of a GIANT Battle of basically Sleep Deprivation!!  Now, I really want to post a paragraph from this article, however, I need to explain how it all starts.  The website immediately gives the top 4 immediate Symptoms (I did have all 4):

• Chronic burning pain - includes allodynia; extreme sensitivity to touch, sound, vibration, wind, and temperature.
• Inflammation - this can affect the appearance of the skin; bruising, mottling, shiny appearance, blotchy or pale appearance, and tiny red dots are some examples.
• Spasms - in blood vessels and muscles of the extremities, called vasoconstriction, 
• Insomnia/Emotional Disturbance - (including limbic system changes such as short-term memory problems, concentration difficulties, and irritability).

Here is a Paragraph that really opened my eye's, and made me realize that even after my surgery, the RSD still really affects me.  WAY more than I ever believed it would until tonight when I saw this article.  To this day, when I see the above 4 symptoms, I immediately cringe.  This is seriously something that I would not wish upon my WORST enemy.  This is the worst, most painful, frustrating, depressing, over-whelming frustration, painful, miserable, and usually at least partially alone.  Prior to being diagnosed, most people go through the biggest battle of their lives just trying to get somebody, preferably somebody in the medical field to believe you....but...as most people know, most doctors just think you're out for pain medication.  Well, I didn't want their stupid Meds, I just wanted them to fix it. I FINALLY found a doctor that was willing to try and fix it, yet, here I sit, still suffering from some of the very things mentioned in Post after Post, Article after Article about RSD. 

By going to that RSDHope Website, you will see that they are not doctors, however, they are the RSD Foundation.  The more reading I do on that site, the more it makes me think of all the people that have come and gone in my life since this diagnosis.  I have never heard of RSD described in such an excellent way, as I did on this site.  When reading the section about "What Does CRPS Feel Like", I found so many of the things mentioned about how you loose loved ones around you because they don't know how to be around somebody going through something like this.  They also talk about the difference in how you handle your Chronic Pain after some time has passed.  The things I read on that website hit very close to home.

      When my baby and I first met, even on the friend level, I was scared to tell her.  People tend to be very skeptical when you admit that you "have a chronic pain condition" or the first time they see you take your meds, What about the doctor's appointments? What are they thinking?  Do they believe me?  All those questions come to mind immediately when you meet somebody new.  Then, when they stick around on the friendship level, the relationship level is COMPLETELY different!!!!  But the fear...the doubt....there comes a time when the fear of rejection is just to much...so its easier to try and hide it than it is to admit it.  BUT...then, people think that you are hiding something MUCH worse from them.  So then there was the doubt...the lack of trust....wondering if I'm making it up, Am I addicted to pills and this is just an excuse....OMG I could go on and on about the Fears and doubts that go through your head. 

     To this day I still remember the first time I heard a doctor actually tell me this condition was in my head.  He told me that I needed to muster up my "strength" (it felt like he was telling me to put my 'big girl panties' on and stop making up this story) And that it was "mind of matter", that if I really didn't like the attention, the meds, the doctor appointments, ect...that I would just "over-come this".   When I went home that day, I swore I would not tell another doctor what I was going through, or what I felt like.  Luckily...I wasn't so stubborn that I kept to that mindset.  Finding the doctor's office here in Kennewick, changed my life! 

OMG perfect example of my short term memory loss REAL Time!!!  So...my baby and I were looking for a lighter, I knew I had just had a black one in my hand...after literally checking my pockets, and searching the living room (only room I had been in) and my baby actually found it sticking partially out of my pocket!!!  HOLY!!!  That's sad!!  There was probably only a 30 second time span from when I was using the lighter, to when I couldn't find the lighter..  WOW....LOL!!!!

Well....Its time for me to wrap this bad boy up for now.  ;)  Have an amazing day everybody!!!  Write more soon!!!!

I know that creating awareness is probably the best thing I can do for RSD, and to honor all those that assisted in my diagnosis, my treatment, and even those that just drove me to figure out a way to deal with it myself.  So, in addition to creating this website/blog, I created a Facebook page as well.  Since Social Media is the biggest and most popular way to pass news around, I knew that was something I also had to do.  So....please check out the page, and pass both these sites around to all your friends.  The more people that see these and become aware of this illness, the better.  Thanks for all your help!!! 

Click Here to Check out the Brand New Facebook Page!!!

Well, the next step was figuring out how to treat this condition.  I still didn't have health insurance, and I was still going through some personal issues that were effecting the healing of my arm.   These "issues" caused me to have 2 additional casts cut off.  The doctors never tried to force me to tell them what was going on, but I knew they had their doubts.  Instead of lecturing me about the things I wouldn't change, the lectured me about Smoking Cigarettes.  Each and Every doctor that I came in contact with, Told me Over and Over again how bad Smoking was.  At one point, the doctors even tried telling me that smoking was causing my specific condition to deteriorate.  I found that to be quite funny, because this specific specialist didn't believe in RSD or CRPS.  He said that was just like Fibromyalgia.  He said conditions like that don't exist.  I asked him what 'condition' I had the smoking made worse....and he just walked out mumbling something about "Practicing Medicine not being a joking matter, and I wasn't taking him seriously".  Needless to say..he didn't stay my doctor for long!  He was the first "Anesthesiologist" I had been referred to for "Ganglion Stellate Nerve Blocks". 

The purpose of these Nerve Blocks, as it was originally described to me, was to "Reset" the nerve settings.  The Doctors compared it to resetting an electronic device such as a computer.   They said, by 'resetting' these connections, the RSD or the pain signals may stop.  I was Extremely excited, because up until now, I had been told there was no cure.  At the time, I took a friend of mine with me, as it was considered an Out Patient Procedure, so they wouldn't let me leave without seeing that I had a driver.  So, my friend and I are taken back into the Surgery Department at Sacred Heart in Spokane, and the nurse takes my vitals, and starts explaining the paperwork that I was given.  She then tells me the Anesthesiologist will be right in.  I'm now starting to become more & more nervous.  Well, finally the Anesthesiologist comes in and introduces himself.  He was definitely not well known for his bedside manor!  Anyway, he is the first Doctor I've even been to, that actually wheeled the Skeleton over, and used that in his explanation.  He explained to me exactly where the injection would be given, he explained that he would be going through my voice box, and since I would be awake through the entire procedure, no matter what it was IMPERATIVE that I didn't move, otherwise, I could be paralyzed from the neck down.  I had to sign a piece of paper stating I would no sue him or the hospital if I became paralyzed or for any other negative reaction to this procedure.  I was stupid enough to do it!!!

    So, after all the paperwork was signed, checked by the nurse, then checked again by the Doctor, they had me lay down on a stainless steel table.  My friend was sitting in a chair in the room just watching.  Well, the size of the needle and syringe for this procedure is huge.  As they started the first injection, my friend started to pass out.  The Nurse & the Doctor stepped away from the table where I was laying with the needle partially inserted into my neck...Mind you...they had told me not to talk because the needle was going through my voice box.  All I could do to get their attention, was slam my hand against the metal table!  The nurse nonchalantly came walking back over!!  "WHAT THE H**L?!?!?!?!?!"  Was all I could think!   I swear on my mom's ashes that the above really happened!  (If I still talked to Billy - my friend that was there - I would have her confirm it!) Well, out of 12 Nerve Blocks, that was the only time something scary happened during the procedure, however I always went alone after that though... Anyways, I got those Nerve Blocks every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for 3 weeks.  Immediately after the Nerve Block, I would walk 4 blocks to my Physical Therapist office, and we would do some intense Physical Therapy.  It was amazing the difference during the 4-6 hours immediately after the block.  I could make a fist, and do every challenge they put in front of me at Physical Therapy.  Then, once it would wear off, I was back to being miserable again.  Those Nerve Blocks helped me get a lot of my movement back in not only my hand and my fingers, but my elbow and my shoulder as well! The P.T. I was seeing was specifically a hand P.T.  The office I went to specialized in hands.  I would refer anybody in the Spokane area (even if you have to drive 30-50 miles)!!!  They are amazing...they care about their patients, and the owner is there on a daily basis depending on which location you go to.  He has a very high standard for his employee's, and I think part of his requirements are that they must care for their patients!  If your P.T. is out, one of the others will pick up, and take just as good care of you as your own would.  They all work together to ensure you (the patient) is getting the most out of their treatment.   The Name of this place is called "Spokane Occupational & Hand Therapy".  You can click here to meet the Physical Therapists in the Spokane area.  John Hatcher is the Owner and Kari Bowton was my Physical Therapist....if you are in the Spokane Area, I would HIGHLY recommend this Business again!  When I thought I was going to be sent to Physical Therapy again, even though I live 150 miles away (one direction) I would have asked to be referred to them.  That's how much everything they did for me all those years ago, meant, and still means to this day!  Kari is the only Physical Therapist I have ever been to, and I recommend her & this business anytime I speak to somebody with a Hand Injury and they are being referred to P.T.  The only reason I started receiving help, is because of Kari!!!!  I still to this day, want to go in, and touch base with her.  I would like her to see where I am now, and how far I've come.  She hasn't seen me in years. She hasn't seen me since 2007 or around that time. 

    Well....That's all for now!!  I'm gonna go take a shower, and meet my baby for lunch!!!  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!  Hope you have an amazing day and never forget....There's always Hope...Never Give Up!!!!  Keep fighti

    March 7th, 2003 changed my life forever.  I was in a very unhealthy relationship at the time.  I was not in control of my life, or anything that happened to me during that time.  The person that I was dating, was very much in control, and was emotionally and physically abusive.  We brought out the worst in each other.  I will not say I was innocent, but I never touched her.  Ever. I've considered the repercussions that I could face just by writing this blog, but, as I said on the home page, If I'm able to bring hope to 1 person, than this is worth it. 
    The day started off completely normal. However, I had a court appointment that day at 9 am.  When we got there, we found out it was actually at 1:30.  When we got home, she flipped out.  She was throwing me around, and then threatened to turn my mom in for smoking weed. That instantly enraged me, so I punched the wall.  Well, there was a chimney behind the wall.  It immediately broke my hand.  I showed my roommate, and she took me to the ER.   That day....the battle begun.
    The ER doctor immediately questioned the amount of pain I was in.  I had always heard that a sprain was so much more painful than a break...and, being a sports fanatic in high school, I knew sprains first hand, and this was WAY more painful than anything I had ever felt.  Including getting my head stepped on by a horse!  Anyway, he put me in a partial cast, and told me to follow up with my primary doc in 2-3 days for a cast. Well, I still had to go back to court that day!  Imagine me trying to explain to the judge why I was perfectly fine earlier, and then when I return, I'm in a sling with a half cast.  He even questioned me about it!  He asked if I wanted to talk about it. I quickly answered no. 
    Within hours of the cast being put on, I was calling the doctor back because the cast itself was poking my 3rd knuckle and causing even more pain.  The cut it off, which was also extremely painful.  At first, they all just thought I was a wimp, who had No pain tolerance.  I had 4 casts put on and they were all cut off.  Eventually they referred me to a specialist because they didn't understand why I was in so much pain.  The specialist cut my cast off and took X-Ray's.  He saw that their were 3 additional fractures in my hand besides just the 'Boxer's Fracture'.  He put me in another cast thinking that would help, but, I was back within 24 hours, and they were cutting it off again. 
    They did another X-Ray, and couldn't find any reason for my intense pain.  So, he referred me to a physical therapist.  I thought he was crazy, but it turned out that she was able to help the diagnosis.  I went to physical therapy for quite awhile, and she was able to determine the Overly sensitive skin, the lack of mobility, the pain, the intolerance to cold, the change in color and the darkening of my arm hair.  All these signs pointed her towards Reflux Sympathetic Dystrophy.  During this time frame, I was desperately trying anything that would ease the pain.  It gets you to a point of mentally breaking down.  Its the most alone I've ever felt and it seemed like the more people I would surround myself with, the more alone I actually felt because none of them knew or understood what I was going through.  It was hard to talk about, because it seemed like it was consuming my life, and I was going to mentally explode because nobody believed me!  If it wasn't for Kari Bodwin, The physical Therapist, Who knows how long it would have taken for them to figure it out!!  And because I didn't have health insurance, all the doctors that saw me, Including Kari, did it all for free!!!  She was amazing!!!  The very first day I saw her, she created a "cast" type protector for my hand and my pinky.  There wasn't anything we could do  to protect both my fingers and the portion of my hand without restricting my movement, which is the opposite effect that she wanted.  She never once made me feel like I was faking it or just wanting the medication!  It got to the point that the physical therapist's called my Doctor's office and Chewed them out for not medicating me and helping me manage the pain.  So, they put me on some narcotic medication in addition to the Nerve medications.  Sadly...this didn't really help either!  They also made me seek out a Therapist as well because so many RSD patients commit suicide. It was immediately a requirement of my treatment. I did everything they asked for about the first 3 or 4 years. I was constantly at the doctors office.  At least 3-4 appointments a week...every week!  It got really old, really fast!  Especially when all they were telling me was "I'm sorry, there is no cure".