So, Normally I would just continue my story from where I had previously left off...however, tonight, I found an article that TOTALLY describes EVERYTHING I have been going through when it comes to 'not sleeping'!!! I seriously also thought I was going crazy because sometimes I really can't remember if I took my last dose of medication, what my girlfriend wore yesterday, what I did for lunch, ect....and its all CONNECTED!!!!!!!!!!! Now, I'm not gonna lie, in some aspects that's absolutely amazing, because there is an explainable reason!! However, it also sucks because we are already trying to solve this issue...and its obviously not working.
The crazy thing, is just like the article says, I'm in the middle of a GIANT Battle of basically Sleep Deprivation!! Now, I really want to post a paragraph from this article, however, I need to explain how it all starts. The website immediately gives the top 4 immediate Symptoms (I did have all 4):
By going to that RSDHope Website, you will see that they are not doctors, however, they are the RSD Foundation. The more reading I do on that site, the more it makes me think of all the people that have come and gone in my life since this diagnosis. I have never heard of RSD described in such an excellent way, as I did on this site. When reading the section about "What Does CRPS Feel Like", I found so many of the things mentioned about how you loose loved ones around you because they don't know how to be around somebody going through something like this. They also talk about the difference in how you handle your Chronic Pain after some time has passed. The things I read on that website hit very close to home.
When my baby and I first met, even on the friend level, I was scared to tell her. People tend to be very skeptical when you admit that you "have a chronic pain condition" or the first time they see you take your meds, What about the doctor's appointments? What are they thinking? Do they believe me? All those questions come to mind immediately when you meet somebody new. Then, when they stick around on the friendship level, the relationship level is COMPLETELY different!!!! But the fear...the doubt....there comes a time when the fear of rejection is just to much...so its easier to try and hide it than it is to admit it. BUT...then, people think that you are hiding something MUCH worse from them. So then there was the doubt...the lack of trust....wondering if I'm making it up, Am I addicted to pills and this is just an excuse....OMG I could go on and on about the Fears and doubts that go through your head.
To this day I still remember the first time I heard a doctor actually tell me this condition was in my head. He told me that I needed to muster up my "strength" (it felt like he was telling me to put my 'big girl panties' on and stop making up this story) And that it was "mind of matter", that if I really didn't like the attention, the meds, the doctor appointments, ect...that I would just "over-come this". When I went home that day, I swore I would not tell another doctor what I was going through, or what I felt like. Luckily...I wasn't so stubborn that I kept to that mindset. Finding the doctor's office here in Kennewick, changed my life!
OMG perfect example of my short term memory loss REAL Time!!! So...my baby and I were looking for a lighter, I knew I had just had a black one in my hand...after literally checking my pockets, and searching the living room (only room I had been in) and my baby actually found it sticking partially out of my pocket!!! HOLY!!! That's sad!! There was probably only a 30 second time span from when I was using the lighter, to when I couldn't find the lighter.. WOW....LOL!!!!
Well....Its time for me to wrap this bad boy up for now. ;) Have an amazing day everybody!!! Write more soon!!!!
The crazy thing, is just like the article says, I'm in the middle of a GIANT Battle of basically Sleep Deprivation!! Now, I really want to post a paragraph from this article, however, I need to explain how it all starts. The website immediately gives the top 4 immediate Symptoms (I did have all 4):
- Chronic burning pain - includes allodynia; extreme sensitivity to touch, sound, vibration, wind, and temperature.
- Inflammation - this can affect the appearance of the skin; bruising, mottling, shiny appearance, blotchy or pale appearance, and tiny red dots are some examples.
- Spasms - in blood vessels and muscles of the extremities, called vasoconstriction,
- Insomnia/Emotional Disturbance - (including limbic system changes such as short-term memory problems, concentration difficulties, and irritability).
By going to that RSDHope Website, you will see that they are not doctors, however, they are the RSD Foundation. The more reading I do on that site, the more it makes me think of all the people that have come and gone in my life since this diagnosis. I have never heard of RSD described in such an excellent way, as I did on this site. When reading the section about "What Does CRPS Feel Like", I found so many of the things mentioned about how you loose loved ones around you because they don't know how to be around somebody going through something like this. They also talk about the difference in how you handle your Chronic Pain after some time has passed. The things I read on that website hit very close to home.
When my baby and I first met, even on the friend level, I was scared to tell her. People tend to be very skeptical when you admit that you "have a chronic pain condition" or the first time they see you take your meds, What about the doctor's appointments? What are they thinking? Do they believe me? All those questions come to mind immediately when you meet somebody new. Then, when they stick around on the friendship level, the relationship level is COMPLETELY different!!!! But the fear...the doubt....there comes a time when the fear of rejection is just to much...so its easier to try and hide it than it is to admit it. BUT...then, people think that you are hiding something MUCH worse from them. So then there was the doubt...the lack of trust....wondering if I'm making it up, Am I addicted to pills and this is just an excuse....OMG I could go on and on about the Fears and doubts that go through your head.
To this day I still remember the first time I heard a doctor actually tell me this condition was in my head. He told me that I needed to muster up my "strength" (it felt like he was telling me to put my 'big girl panties' on and stop making up this story) And that it was "mind of matter", that if I really didn't like the attention, the meds, the doctor appointments, ect...that I would just "over-come this". When I went home that day, I swore I would not tell another doctor what I was going through, or what I felt like. Luckily...I wasn't so stubborn that I kept to that mindset. Finding the doctor's office here in Kennewick, changed my life!
OMG perfect example of my short term memory loss REAL Time!!! So...my baby and I were looking for a lighter, I knew I had just had a black one in my hand...after literally checking my pockets, and searching the living room (only room I had been in) and my baby actually found it sticking partially out of my pocket!!! HOLY!!! That's sad!! There was probably only a 30 second time span from when I was using the lighter, to when I couldn't find the lighter.. WOW....LOL!!!!
Well....Its time for me to wrap this bad boy up for now. ;) Have an amazing day everybody!!! Write more soon!!!!
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