The Season's Changing is one of the things I used to look forward to the most.  Not only did it mean a different type of Weather, sometimes Longer days, sometimes shorter, but It also meant, that it was Either Summer, which meant I was free to be with the horses all day, or it meant that I was One season Closer to Summer, when I was free to be with the horses again.  Summer has ALWAYS been my favorite season!  Since I was born in December, I always said I should have been born in Australia, as December is their Summer!!!  (I know....Doesn't really count considering I also thought I was on the Titanic and I was eaten by sharks!!!)  But, either way, the Fact remains that Summer is BY FAR, my favorite season even as an Adult.  Before that day long ago when I broke my hand, Summer was still my favorite time.  It meant that I would be outside working on my car, playing basket ball, swimming, playing on a Co-Ed Softball team, Roller-Blading and anything else I could find to do.  My Best Friend and at the time Roommate, were outside playing basket ball either by ourselves, or with the neighborhood kids.  We were constantly riding our bikes, and finding outdoor things to do.  We went' camping almost every weekend in the summer time.  I swear, I could have been more than just 'happy' living permanently out in the woods "Camping".  It would save up so much Money!!!  We were very Very active people.  Even after I broke my hand, I continued being active.  I just tried to find a way to modify the activity to be the least painful for me as we could possibly do.  For example, We changed the hand grips on my bike to be a much softer, gentle material that didn't bother my hand as much.  In addition to that, Instead of always riding using my hands and a lot of pressure on my wrists and forearms, I changes how I gripped the handle bars.  I used my right hand to assist with steering.  That way, if I couldn't use it, I was still able to ride my bike with some slight changes.  The wind on my arm used to really be a problem for me, so we came up with a way to cover my arm, using material that I could tolerate touching me, and then found ways to not only keep it on, but if I got cold, we could use those Portable Hand Warmers and insert them into my arm cover (needless to say, my bestie/room-mate is VERY creative!!!).   I never wanted to be the one to let this hold me back.  Even when I knew it was something that I shouldn't' be doing, or was extremely painful to do, I would find a different reason to avoid the situation.  That way, again, I never had to say "I can't do it" as that is something that is extremely hard for me to deal with, so, I just pretend its something else.  That is one of the most helpful ways for me to deal with my pain.  Instead of saying that I can't do something, I focus on something else, and that I am able to do.

       I very much believe that this determination is what has helped me to get through this while maintaining a full time job.  I would never say that I am a Pro and understand everything that I am going through.  Hence the reason for the Injections that are coming my way, and why else would I be blogging, Creating a website and managing a Facebook page about this right now? 

        Even though the weather does have a huge effect on my pain, and how badly the day effects me, there is much more that effected the reasons behind my recent change of interests.  You see, as I stated above, I used to be very active.  However, since I got the RSD, my activities did Decrease.  I quite doing things like Snow boarding for fear of what would happen if I crashed, or fell.  I was so scared of the RSD moving to my left arm, or my leg if I got hurt.  That's how the activities slowly started to decrease.  I really only did a few things that didn't really hurt the rest of my body, and didn't include my hand.  Well, that all changed the day I decided to get this surgery. 

        The first thing my partner and I realized after watching the first video about the simulator, is that most of the people in the video were much older than myself.  Most of them were older than my parents for that matter.  However, we decided after discussing it quite a bit with each other, our family members, the doctors, and our friends.  We were able to talk to a few people who either had it, or knew somebody that did have it.  Finally we decided that Pro's outweighed the Delta's, and we told my doctor we were interested.   They quickly sent us home with more videos, and a book that I needed to keep track of where my pain was, so we could compare that to where my pain was with the temporary stimulator in. 

       They weren't expecting to be able to get me in so quickly, however it only took about 3 weeks until we were ready to implanted  the Temporary stimulator into my Spinal Cord. I wasn't able to take a shower the entire time I had this in, because as my Doctor put it "It's a direct portal to the Spine!  NO Shower, No Water."  He kinda scared us, but I guess that was kinda his point!  I will be taking a Picture of the temporary lead that I had inserted in my spine.  I had it in for 4 days.  During that period of time, I was not able to Pull my self up out of a chair, our bed, Take a shower, drive, or anything else because the Lead could move.  Since this was just a temporary trial period, the lead was not anchored down as they are when permanently implanted. 

        We had to prove to the insurance company that there was at least a 50% improvement when it came to my pain level.  For my RSD, it was a total success, and we even had hopes at the time that it may even cover my neck!!  If we could get it to cover my neck, were very may have been able to control all of my chronic pain just by doing the implant.  

Please be patient.....I will post pictures and more about the Implant, the surgery itself, and how long it took me to heal afterwards.  That will all be coming soon. 

Thank you for taking the time to read my story and being apart of my journey!

     Well, on Monday The Doctor's office Called to check on me as they knew that since we got rear ended, I've really been struggling with my Neck Pain.  My Stimulator also quit working during this period of time, so basically...I was back to Square one, after everything we had just been through to try and at least get the RSD under control.  My St. Jude's Representative that does all my programing, is AMAZING.  There are not enough ways for me to express how amazing he really truly is.  If every St. Jude's Rep is like him and the others that I have interacted with, then they alone are enough reason to do this.  They will drive hours to meet you so that your programing is benefiting you the most.  They spend countless hours thinking about what stimulator is right for you, what will best help your pain...ect.  They are there with you through the discussion about the stimulator, they never leave your side.  They are a WONDERFUL group of people.  Well, I had met with Peter immediately after I realized that my stimulator was off, and I couldn't turn it back on.  He was able to determine that the two leads that I used the most to get the stimulation down my entire arm, so it would help my hand, arm, shoulder, and we even hoped my neck.  Well....unfortunately, those 'connectors' on my leads, couldn't push the current from the stimulator through the built up scare tissue.  So...for now, this is bad news...we had to reprogram my stimulator with the other options, which unfortunately don't work as well.  They work about half as good as the two that stopped working did.  So, even after two programming sessions, we realized that we would have to accept the way it is for now.  He did tell me that it may change in the future, and all we can do, is just keep testing the resistance when we reprogram it the next time.  Hopefully it will eventually be able to push the current back through.   In the meantime, my doctor and I were just trying to find different ways to manage the pain.  The burning is back in my arm.  There are many times now that I can't set my arm down, as it feels like it did all those years ago.  The weird thing, is the burning is in a specific location, and does not move out of that area.  It's on the under side of my right fore arm.  The spot that would normally either touch when resting your arm on something.  My pinky finger is extremely sensitive again, and there are times when I can't open doors, drinks, ect around my own house again.  So, after all the above has been updated in my file, the head doc of the Office wanted to see me.   I'm honestly not quite sure if at first he believed me that it was getting this bad.

     He came over to me to do the physical exam, and was really pushing on the muscles.  He seemed quite surprised to see my muscle spasm'ing from my neck down my back.  He also noticed that My muscles were bulging in spots, and so he thinks that some injections that he does will help those muscles calm down.   He also really wants to try the Botox injections again, and now that my insurance is changing, maybe we can get it approved.  I told him I was willing to try anything as long as it will help.  There are times that I can't turn my head enough to even try to stretch it.  It's really hard to force yourself to stretch, and move something that already hurts so bad to move it.  But.....the most important lesson I learned from my Physical Therapist, was to NEVER STOP MOVING.  The day to reduce your movement, or your attempted movement, is the day you begin acquiring another problem....muscle atrophy....When you quit using your muscles, they deteriorate, which will also reduce the amount of movement you have, and will also intensify your pain.  It is very hard to continue to move something that already hurts, and only hurts more when you use it, or when something touches it.  But, the end result is worth it.  Now, chances are, you will never have a physical career with a diagnosis of RSD, but I still work every day.  I work in a call center, and I do have to use my hand every day, and it does hurt...I just manage how much I use it, and I've learned how to do everything with my left hand. 
      My first injection will be on March 26th at 2:15 PST.  So, hopefully I will know then just how they will help, if it helps at all, and how many I would have to continue to do.  He said they were comparable to the Nerve Blocks I had, but these are for the muscles, and not the nerves.  That's why they can be done in the Procedure Room, and we don't have to go to the hospital.  When I got my temporary nerve block, that was also done there in the office.  And that was injected into me. 

Alright...I'm going to go and have lunch with the Love of My life, and probably the only person in the world willing to stand by me   

So, Normally I would just continue my story from where I had previously left off...however, tonight, I found an article that TOTALLY describes EVERYTHING I have been going through when it comes to 'not sleeping'!!!  I seriously also thought I was going crazy because sometimes I really can't remember if I took my last dose of medication, what my girlfriend wore yesterday, what I did for lunch, ect....and its all CONNECTED!!!!!!!!!!!  Now, I'm not gonna lie, in some aspects that's absolutely amazing, because there is an explainable reason!!  However, it also sucks because we are already trying to solve this issue...and its obviously not working. 
The crazy thing, is just like the article says, I'm in the middle of a GIANT Battle of basically Sleep Deprivation!!  Now, I really want to post a paragraph from this article, however, I need to explain how it all starts.  The website immediately gives the top 4 immediate Symptoms (I did have all 4):

• Chronic burning pain - includes allodynia; extreme sensitivity to touch, sound, vibration, wind, and temperature.
• Inflammation - this can affect the appearance of the skin; bruising, mottling, shiny appearance, blotchy or pale appearance, and tiny red dots are some examples.
• Spasms - in blood vessels and muscles of the extremities, called vasoconstriction, 
• Insomnia/Emotional Disturbance - (including limbic system changes such as short-term memory problems, concentration difficulties, and irritability).

Here is a Paragraph that really opened my eye's, and made me realize that even after my surgery, the RSD still really affects me.  WAY more than I ever believed it would until tonight when I saw this article.  To this day, when I see the above 4 symptoms, I immediately cringe.  This is seriously something that I would not wish upon my WORST enemy.  This is the worst, most painful, frustrating, depressing, over-whelming frustration, painful, miserable, and usually at least partially alone.  Prior to being diagnosed, most people go through the biggest battle of their lives just trying to get somebody, preferably somebody in the medical field to believe you....but...as most people know, most doctors just think you're out for pain medication.  Well, I didn't want their stupid Meds, I just wanted them to fix it. I FINALLY found a doctor that was willing to try and fix it, yet, here I sit, still suffering from some of the very things mentioned in Post after Post, Article after Article about RSD. 

By going to that RSDHope Website, you will see that they are not doctors, however, they are the RSD Foundation.  The more reading I do on that site, the more it makes me think of all the people that have come and gone in my life since this diagnosis.  I have never heard of RSD described in such an excellent way, as I did on this site.  When reading the section about "What Does CRPS Feel Like", I found so many of the things mentioned about how you loose loved ones around you because they don't know how to be around somebody going through something like this.  They also talk about the difference in how you handle your Chronic Pain after some time has passed.  The things I read on that website hit very close to home.

      When my baby and I first met, even on the friend level, I was scared to tell her.  People tend to be very skeptical when you admit that you "have a chronic pain condition" or the first time they see you take your meds, What about the doctor's appointments? What are they thinking?  Do they believe me?  All those questions come to mind immediately when you meet somebody new.  Then, when they stick around on the friendship level, the relationship level is COMPLETELY different!!!!  But the fear...the doubt....there comes a time when the fear of rejection is just to much...so its easier to try and hide it than it is to admit it.  BUT...then, people think that you are hiding something MUCH worse from them.  So then there was the doubt...the lack of trust....wondering if I'm making it up, Am I addicted to pills and this is just an excuse....OMG I could go on and on about the Fears and doubts that go through your head. 

     To this day I still remember the first time I heard a doctor actually tell me this condition was in my head.  He told me that I needed to muster up my "strength" (it felt like he was telling me to put my 'big girl panties' on and stop making up this story) And that it was "mind of matter", that if I really didn't like the attention, the meds, the doctor appointments, ect...that I would just "over-come this".   When I went home that day, I swore I would not tell another doctor what I was going through, or what I felt like.  Luckily...I wasn't so stubborn that I kept to that mindset.  Finding the doctor's office here in Kennewick, changed my life! 

OMG perfect example of my short term memory loss REAL Time!!!  So...my baby and I were looking for a lighter, I knew I had just had a black one in my hand...after literally checking my pockets, and searching the living room (only room I had been in) and my baby actually found it sticking partially out of my pocket!!!  HOLY!!!  That's sad!!  There was probably only a 30 second time span from when I was using the lighter, to when I couldn't find the lighter..  WOW....LOL!!!!

Well....Its time for me to wrap this bad boy up for now.  ;)  Have an amazing day everybody!!!  Write more soon!!!!